I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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