wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
