I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
