I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
