you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
