Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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