Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
