How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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