Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
