you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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