took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
