why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My feet surprised me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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