He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
