I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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