Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
