Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
