yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
