New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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