my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
