you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
