and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
