Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
