I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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