dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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