So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
