the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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