i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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