You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
