Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
