I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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