just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Actions speak louder than pants.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
