How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
