I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
