Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
