Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
