well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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