She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize