I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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