Farmville is her only friend.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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