She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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