The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
