I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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