When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
