I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
