Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
