That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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