I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
