I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
