I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
foreskin is a definite game changer
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
