So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
