She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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