WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
