if only i could text you this smell
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
