dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You're a waste of cheezeits
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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